Do They Really Still Make Men Like This?

A fury rose up inside me this morning when a man made a comment to me while we waited in line at the pharmacy. I was rushing to get my last minute errands done before my noon chemo session, and I'd been having trouble since last week, getting insurance authorization for one of the nausea meds. There was one person in line ahead of me and one person behind me, and our line hadn't moved in 10 minutes, a common occurrence at this pharmacy.

This loud, hearty-type 60-ish guy comes up behind the black man in line behind me, slapping his hand down and gripping his shoulder. The man turned around, startled, as the jerk says, "What are you doing here, get back to work!" Then big laughs, as the jerk says, "Enjoying the President's Day holiday?" The other guy played along but looked uncomfortable. It looked like a power play on the part of the jerk. In retrospect I wonder if it were subtle racism, reminding him who's the boss?

The jerk joined us in line and our wait continued another 5 or 10 minutes without moving, and I noticed that there were 4 employees behind the backroom pharmacy counter, 2 of whom I knew as front counter clerks. As we became impatient, I turned to the man behind me and said, "Notice there are four people in back, but only one in front at the counter?" He smiled and we both laughed and shook our heads.

The jerk behind him loudly announced, expansive arm gestures and all, "It's not like we're in a hurry! We have all day and no place we have to be!" Another reference to it being a holiday.

I thought he was pretty presumptuous, a trait that always pisses me off, so I corrected him, "Well, I do."

"It doesn't matter if you rush to clean the house." ...Excuse me?

"As it happens, I'm in a hurry to get to chemo," I emphasized. So there, asshole. I got called up to the counter, and behind me he muttered "Oh, well that's important...".

After a few minutes there were two counter clerks, and he was finishing up his business as I finished mine, so as we walked toward the exit near each other, I asked, "I'm curious what it is about me that makes you think I'm a house-cleaner." (I'm wearing nice velour pants, a new sweater, and a pretty scarf on my head, tied to the side).

Looking surprised to be called-out, he said, "Well it's the scarf on your head". Um, huh?? All I can connect this to is old I Love Lucy episodes when she and Ethyl wore a scarves on their heads when doing housework.

"Actually, I'm wearing the scarf because I'm bald from chemo", and I raised the front to show him. "You assumed I'm a housewife?" I'm saying all this nicely, as if to understand where he's coming from.

"You would assume that", you meaning everyone. He looked puzzled, like why would I have a problem with that?

"Perhaps you should be more careful about making assumptions."

"Why?"

"Because some women don't like being treated like that."

"Being treated like a woman?" he has the cajones to ask. Is this really how to treat a woman in his universe? Daytime + woman = housewife; housewife + scarf = housecleaning machine with nothing else of value to do. Not to mention that woman + daytime + holiday still is equated with housewife.

By then we were outside and I just shook my head in disgust and went to my car.

I live in a pretty progressive town. We have assholes too, but mostly they just act like assholes with each other in asshole-bonding rituals, like when out drinking together. I've never met someone so aggressively, intentionally clueless. I worry about whether he has a wife or girlfriend he treats that way.

I really believe that most people are well-meaning, and it jolts me every time I run across one who so visibly doesn't give a damn about anyone.