I learned yesterday that a very special friend, only 54, died in April at home in Seattle, apparently from a diabetic episode. Neal Faigman was a brilliant man, had at least two degrees, one in law, possibly a third from the seminary he attended when he studied to be a rabbi. He read voraciously, knew about practically everything, and every inch of his home was lined to the ceilings (and I'm not exaggerating) with books and collectibles. He was a kind, principled man with a wicked sense of humor, but in many ways was a naive innocent.
He was a victim of a broken health care system which ignores the working poor. Had he been able to afford needed medication, he could have lived a much happier, healthier life.
Neal was found by his dear friends, Dan and Tammy, whose generosity of heart and spirit gave Neal the strength he needed to survive some very rough years. I miss Neal terribly. Tammy and I met for the first time last night, by phone, and shared mutual remembrances of Neal, who had always wanted me to meet Dan and Tammy. We plan to stay in touch.
I seem to have lost another friend as well in recent days, not to death, but to the tangled manipulations that accompany substance abuse and mental illness. I am grieving for the loss of this friend, too, who I hope in time will find his/her way back.
It hasn't been a good week. My sinuses, ravaged by the chemo that targets fast-growing mucous membranes, have staged an all-out attack on me and I've been pretty sick with that for more than a week. My face is bright red and swollen from the inflamed sinuses beneath. I see my acupuncturist today, and usually that helps a lot.
My body is still on chemo-time and thinks I'm due for another treatment, so I'm not likely to see improvement on that front for awhile yet.
Geoffrey's junior high graduation is this Friday, and I'm hoping to get well in time to share the day with family.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Loss of Friends
12 comments:
I am sorry to hear that your friend died.
Thank you for the note, Kelly.
Thanks for all you've done Michelle. We received a card from one of Neal's on-line pals. Meeting you and talking was very cathartic for me. Us, as Dan corrects me. I'm trying very much to find the be here now moments.
Thanks for the note, Tammy. My heart goes out to you both, and to Neal's family.
The "be here now moments" are the substance of our lives, and yet noticing the now isn't a habit for most of us. It's something I'm working on too, especially since cancer barged into my life.
I only just discovered this blog, because I have been seaching down an old friend, going far back, to elementary school days. Your Neal fits the description and age of a very deal old friend and I grieve to hear it. I think his mother also passed away at a young age, in exactly the same way,
From a young age, Neal was brilliant, a passionate reader, and exposed me to many books and ideas I never would have thought of or approached. I share your grief.
P.S. to make sure I have the right Neal, my friend was born in New York (a suburb actually in Westchester) and I know his birthday was sometime in November, but I lost track when I moved away, after high school.
The Neal I knew did come originally from New York. Feel free to email me at m.sfwench@gmail.com.
I met Neal in grade school in Yonkers, New York about 3rd grade.
He was my first friend in that class, in fact sort of came over to make the new kid feel less out of place, and we became fast friends until I left for college, and when my family moved. I lost track of him almost immediately, and have spent many years trying to find out where he is, usually none of our mutual friends from school had any idea. Since the Internet has made this so easy, a lot of us have re-established contact over the net at least, but Neal was among those who no one knew the wherabouts. We were virtually together after school and on weekends for year and years as kids, and in our early teens.
Your description of him was so on the money that I was certain it was the same Neal, but I wanted to make sure.
He was a fine friend, among the best, and I am glad he also found others where he ended up living.
Thank you for sharing your memories. I'm so very sorry you weren't able to get in touch with him. I'm sure your friendship was a deeply important part of his life as well. My heart goes out to you in your loss.
Anonymous, I'm certain you are speaking of the same Neai that Tammy and I were friends with. Neal grew up in Yonkers. I heard more about that place from him than I ever did from repeated viewings of "Hello, Dolly".
Neal was a fine man. You would have continued to like him. He had so many vareid interests, was erudite in so many ways. And there were so many kindnesses that we exchanged over the years. He was a frequent vistior in our home (I had worked with him at a Tower Books store for about three years and when Tammy was a Sales Rep, she sold books to him). We run a fairly irreligous household, and so he was here for the holidays. We held Easter and Christmas dinners that were "Hey! let's invite the Jewish dude over and have Spiral Cut Cost-co Ham!" Neal didn't eat kosher so he liked when we sprung for some shrimp. The discussions that flew about those nights were exhilarating. We miss him so much. We think about him every day.
Anon, we collaberated on that post so please excuse the references to ourselves oddly. You can email me
at biblioho AT mac.com we'd love to hear from you.
Thank you very much, I have written to both emails.
I am very glad however that Neal had so many good friends in these last few years.
Post a Comment